Friday, January 30

A Poem for Thursday..... cinquains...or not!



 Tony Maude is heading up Meeting The Bar...The Cinquain ...explained for DeVerse today.
Thankyou Tony...I'm fairly well rubbish at these ...and I know the second verse isn't quite right...but here goes!!


Travelling Home

A chevron
 of geese flies 
over the roadway
As we drive close
 by Cambridge.


The moon 
rises…blue
edged on the right side
…Large-eyed and nodding to the left.
The  Brothers still moan their eternal prayer…
”Let it be me”…


So I suppose there is an extra line in there!! Look forward to reading the poems today.
Posted by at
Labels: , , , , ,

20 comments:

  1. The Weaver of Grass30/01/2015, 14:04

    I like this, extra line or no extra line, Gerry.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Gerry Snape30/01/2015, 15:34

    thankyou for the encouragement Pat...keep trying ..I know!

    ReplyDelete
  3. brudberg30/01/2015, 15:50

    Extra line .. extra syllable.. I think we all keep improving... The second one has some true magic in it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gerry Snape30/01/2015, 17:27

      The day and the moon were the magic....thankyou Bjorn

      Delete
  4. Margaret30/01/2015, 16:38

    Two brothers in the moon - have never heard that. Like the first one as well - a "moment' snapped for us to see.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gerry Snape30/01/2015, 17:29

      Everley brothers sang....let it be me.....cry of the heart!

      Delete
  5. Anonymous30/01/2015, 16:54

    The point of a prompt is to get people writing, so even with an extra line, a wobbly syllable count etc, I'm counting this as a win ... smiles.

    These short forms are much harder than they look, aren't they?

    And yes, I too, enjoyed reading this,

    Tony

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gerry Snape30/01/2015, 17:30

      I write every day...but this discipline is so good!

      Delete
  6. Mary30/01/2015, 17:29

    Vivid word pictures here - nice.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Brian Miller30/01/2015, 17:54

    hey you were innovative...with tony's innovation...
    the last one def is my fav...there is an edge to it that is haunting...
    hearing the brothers moan in particular

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous30/01/2015, 18:54

    I especially liked the first one - it forced me to stop and savor each word aloud - nice

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous30/01/2015, 23:32

    Well...it seems that the consensus is that an extra line is really not a big problem...and I'm in agreement with that. You wrote a couple of wonderful poems here!

    ReplyDelete
  10. the walking man01/02/2015, 11:50

    Rules are made to shape to your own will, to bend as circumstances allow. Love the first and say let it be eith one of the brothers, just not me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gerry Snape11/02/2015, 18:48

      I think I've done a fair bit of shaping in my life Mark!!!

      Delete
  11. hyperCRYPTICal03/02/2015, 00:05

    A wonderful write.
    Anna :o]

    ReplyDelete
  12. Claudia11/02/2015, 14:36

    beautiful images - esp. the one with the geese in combo with the heading home... felt

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gerry Snape11/02/2015, 18:47

      I just love the winter geese and how they fly...magic.

      Delete
  13. Gerry Snape11/02/2015, 18:46

    many thanks for all the very encouraging comments.

    ReplyDelete

I'm always glad to receive a comment so a big thankyou to all those who leave one.

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)