Friday, January 30

A Poem for Thursday..... cinquains...or not!



 Tony Maude is heading up Meeting The Bar...The Cinquain ...explained for DeVerse today.
Thankyou Tony...I'm fairly well rubbish at these ...and I know the second verse isn't quite right...but here goes!!


Travelling Home

A chevron
 of geese flies 
over the roadway
As we drive close
 by Cambridge.


The moon 
rises…blue
edged on the right side
…Large-eyed and nodding to the left.
The  Brothers still moan their eternal prayer…
”Let it be me”…


So I suppose there is an extra line in there!! Look forward to reading the poems today.

20 comments:

  1. I like this, extra line or no extra line, Gerry.

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  2. thankyou for the encouragement Pat...keep trying ..I know!

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  3. Extra line .. extra syllable.. I think we all keep improving... The second one has some true magic in it.

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    1. The day and the moon were the magic....thankyou Bjorn

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  4. Two brothers in the moon - have never heard that. Like the first one as well - a "moment' snapped for us to see.

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    1. Everley brothers sang....let it be me.....cry of the heart!

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  5. The point of a prompt is to get people writing, so even with an extra line, a wobbly syllable count etc, I'm counting this as a win ... smiles.

    These short forms are much harder than they look, aren't they?

    And yes, I too, enjoyed reading this,

    Tony

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    1. I write every day...but this discipline is so good!

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  6. Vivid word pictures here - nice.

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  7. hey you were innovative...with tony's innovation...
    the last one def is my fav...there is an edge to it that is haunting...
    hearing the brothers moan in particular

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    1. so glad you knew which brothers!

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  8. I especially liked the first one - it forced me to stop and savor each word aloud - nice

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  9. Well...it seems that the consensus is that an extra line is really not a big problem...and I'm in agreement with that. You wrote a couple of wonderful poems here!

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  10. Rules are made to shape to your own will, to bend as circumstances allow. Love the first and say let it be eith one of the brothers, just not me.

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    1. I think I've done a fair bit of shaping in my life Mark!!!

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  11. beautiful images - esp. the one with the geese in combo with the heading home... felt

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    1. I just love the winter geese and how they fly...magic.

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  12. many thanks for all the very encouraging comments.

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